There have been some unexpected challenges with working full time. I knew that it was going to be difficult to get everything done at home after working all day. And it has. I have not done a great job of staying on top of laundry, cooking good meals, cleaning, etc. But I am not really surprised by that. I thought it would take some time to adjust to this new schedule.
What I did not expect was the physical and emotional exhaustion I have felt. A lot of that has to do with my "special assignment." Yes. That is still going on. And while things are improving... it is not easy. I have truly grown to love this child and am very invested in him. But it is absolutely exhausting. And being physically and emotionally exhausted... well, I'll just say I've gone to bed early a LOT instead of cleaning, doing laundry, etc.
The other thing I did not expect was feeling so disconnected. I have felt very alone and have really struggled with that lately. I just don't have the time (and energy) to talk, visit and spend time with my extended family and friends like I used to. And I miss it.
I know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing. I know that I am supposed to be working at this school (and with this student). But I have been really struggling lately.
This weekend was our stake conference. Last night was the adult meeting, and near the end, a video was played. It was from Jeffrey R. Holland's talk "None Were With Him." [If you have not watched this video, you should. You can watch it here.] That talk is one of the most powerful talks I have ever heard. And the video is incredible. And it was just the reminder that I needed.
Because I am not alone.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
finally... talk
I'm feeling like my prayers were answered today. Ethan finally opened up and talked. I feel like we were able to identify and discuss some of the things that are causing his anxiety at school. I feel like we have a plan that will hopefully make a difference. I'm going to figure out something for him to keep in his pocket and squeeze or fiddle with when he's worried or feeling anxious. I'm going to talk to his teacher tomorrow and probably the principal, too. (The problems are not related to his teacher - but with a boy in his class and two other adults he has regular interaction with. Basically it comes down to the fact that he does not handle harsh, yelling adults well. It terrifies him and stresses him.)
[I would still love to hear any ideas, experiences or suggestions any of you have.]
[I would still love to hear any ideas, experiences or suggestions any of you have.]
Saturday, October 24, 2009
anxiety and fears
We've always known that Abby has issues with anxiety and fears. She stresses and worries out loud. All the time. It's something that we've struggled with - finding ways to teach her to deal with these feelings so that she will end up a happy, healthy, functioning adult. I don't want her anxiety and fears to overcome her. It has not been easy. And I'm sure this is going to be a life-long struggle for her.
It wasn't until today that I realized that Ethan has the same issues - it has just manifested in different ways. He doesn't vocalize his stress and fears. He has had some issues of his own over the years (hysteria with some things he is afraid of - i.e. storms). But it was this recent issue or sucking/chewing on his shirts that I made the connection. Before the shirt thing started, he was having accidents at school. Frequently. (He hasn't had one since.) As I was talking to Ryan about this last night, he reminded me that he's had this shirt issue before. Ethan's second year of preschool he did the same thing. He was having accidents and started sucking on his shirt. (Not nearly as bad as he is now.)
The thing I can't figure out is what he is stressed or feeling anxious about at school. He LOVES his teacher. His best friend is in his class. School work is easy for him and he does really well. So why? And why didn't it happen last year when he started kindergarten? Maybe something did happen last year and I just don't remember. I guess he did go through a period of time where he had a lot of accidents. Maybe that was it. I've tried talking with him several times. He just doesn't really talk about his feelings. Okay. He doesn't talk about them at all.
I'm just not sure what to do. I've been doing some reading. Some people suggest giving the child a necklace or bracelet to chew/suck on instead of the shirt. Apparently a lot of the cases of kids doing this are tied to other neurological problems. Some say it's just a phase some kids go through - just let them do it and eventually they'll stop. But I don't know.
Ryan and I just don't really struggle with these issues. I mean, we're parents/adults so of course there are things we worry about (like all this!). But not like they do. And we weren't this way as children.
Are our kids this way because of the trauma they experienced in their first months of life? (There are studies about that...) Or is it genetics somehow? I guess it doesn't really matter why.
I just don't know...
It wasn't until today that I realized that Ethan has the same issues - it has just manifested in different ways. He doesn't vocalize his stress and fears. He has had some issues of his own over the years (hysteria with some things he is afraid of - i.e. storms). But it was this recent issue or sucking/chewing on his shirts that I made the connection. Before the shirt thing started, he was having accidents at school. Frequently. (He hasn't had one since.) As I was talking to Ryan about this last night, he reminded me that he's had this shirt issue before. Ethan's second year of preschool he did the same thing. He was having accidents and started sucking on his shirt. (Not nearly as bad as he is now.)
The thing I can't figure out is what he is stressed or feeling anxious about at school. He LOVES his teacher. His best friend is in his class. School work is easy for him and he does really well. So why? And why didn't it happen last year when he started kindergarten? Maybe something did happen last year and I just don't remember. I guess he did go through a period of time where he had a lot of accidents. Maybe that was it. I've tried talking with him several times. He just doesn't really talk about his feelings. Okay. He doesn't talk about them at all.
I'm just not sure what to do. I've been doing some reading. Some people suggest giving the child a necklace or bracelet to chew/suck on instead of the shirt. Apparently a lot of the cases of kids doing this are tied to other neurological problems. Some say it's just a phase some kids go through - just let them do it and eventually they'll stop. But I don't know.
Ryan and I just don't really struggle with these issues. I mean, we're parents/adults so of course there are things we worry about (like all this!). But not like they do. And we weren't this way as children.
Are our kids this way because of the trauma they experienced in their first months of life? (There are studies about that...) Or is it genetics somehow? I guess it doesn't really matter why.
I just don't know...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
today...
... I am finally starting to feel back to normal. And, despite a scare on Saturday where Ethan threw up, I think we are all finally over being sick.
... I noticed that my calendar in the kitchen is still in September. I lost a few weeks. Whoops.
... was a great day at work. My little friend (my special assignment) has had a great week and has made incredible progress. I am feeling really good about it.
... (well, last night actually...) I made a handmade card for the first time in many, many months. And I remembered how much I love creating things.
... it has been raining non-stop. But it's also quite cool outside. So I am snuggled up on the couch instead of doing the laundry and cleaning that need to be done.
... we had Chinese food delivered for dinner. (see above) Orange chicken and cashew chicken are our favorites.
... I am working on singing time for Sunday. (Did I mention I was called to be the primary music leader? SO excited!)
... I started the process of filing complaints against a nasty store that just opened about a mile from our home (and school). I've never done anything like this before. But it feels good. After being transferred many times, I ended up speaking with someone in the city attorney's office who is starting things on their end. She also gave me some tips on what to do next (file a complaint with the management company who owns the shopping center, our local congressman, and the Mayor's office).
... I have no idea what to do with Ethan. He has started this really irritating habit of chewing/sucking on the collar of his shirts. It's gross. And he's ruining his shirts. I don't know what the deal is! And I don't know how to get him to quit. Everyday after school, he comes to me with a ring of wetness half-way down his shirt. I've been making him take his shirt off when we get home from school. But he can't go shirtless to school! Anyone have a kid that has done this? Any suggestions?
... I noticed that my calendar in the kitchen is still in September. I lost a few weeks. Whoops.
... was a great day at work. My little friend (my special assignment) has had a great week and has made incredible progress. I am feeling really good about it.
... (well, last night actually...) I made a handmade card for the first time in many, many months. And I remembered how much I love creating things.
... it has been raining non-stop. But it's also quite cool outside. So I am snuggled up on the couch instead of doing the laundry and cleaning that need to be done.
... we had Chinese food delivered for dinner. (see above) Orange chicken and cashew chicken are our favorites.
... I am working on singing time for Sunday. (Did I mention I was called to be the primary music leader? SO excited!)
... I started the process of filing complaints against a nasty store that just opened about a mile from our home (and school). I've never done anything like this before. But it feels good. After being transferred many times, I ended up speaking with someone in the city attorney's office who is starting things on their end. She also gave me some tips on what to do next (file a complaint with the management company who owns the shopping center, our local congressman, and the Mayor's office).
... I have no idea what to do with Ethan. He has started this really irritating habit of chewing/sucking on the collar of his shirts. It's gross. And he's ruining his shirts. I don't know what the deal is! And I don't know how to get him to quit. Everyday after school, he comes to me with a ring of wetness half-way down his shirt. I've been making him take his shirt off when we get home from school. But he can't go shirtless to school! Anyone have a kid that has done this? Any suggestions?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
wrong!
So...
The day I wrote that last post I had gone to the doctor because I just knew I had strep. Well, he did a rapid strep test and it came back negative. He thought it was the swine flu. He told me to rest over the weekend and come back if I got worse. [Looking back, I really should have fought him on it then. But I was so sick and had been there so long I just wanted to go home to my bed! And I had a fever - my brain wasn't exactly in tip-top shape.]
So I rested all weekend (missed the primary program - sad...). I wasn't feeling great. But I wasn't worse. I hadn't had a fever for a couple days. So I went back to work. I could make it through the day, then I would come home and go to bed after school. Ryan did a lot of taking care of meals, kids, homework, etc. When the weekend came I got much worse. On Sunday I went to an urgent care place. (So this was 10 days after my first dr appt and 13 days since I had gotten sick.) And... turns out it was STREP! I knew it... I can't even imagine how many people/kids I exposed in those 2 weeks...
So they gave me a shot and a few other prescriptions and I went home to rest. After I had been on the antibiotic for a day, I went back to work. I wasn't all the way better, but I was ok. I went to bed early every night (but not as soon as I got home from school).
Friday was a school holiday. It's one of the 2 student holidays I actually have to work. So the kids went to a friend's house for the day and I went to work. I woke up feeling pretty awful that morning, but as the morning went I got much worse. I had an awful (barky) cough, I was SO achey and weak... I got a fever and started having a little trouble breathing. So I got another appointment at the doctor and left early. The doctor gave me some pretty heavy drugs to try and kick this and ordered me to stay in bed for the long weekend. So I did. I've been heavily drugged and in bed.
During the weekend, the kids had spent a lot of time just lying around watching movies. Which I was not complaining about (did I mention Ryan is sick, too?). But it was unusual. When they woke up Monday morning I knew they had it. I got them appointments that morning just to have my suspicions confirmed. They both have strep.
So... we all missed school today. We are hoping to be back tomorrow. We'll see if that actually happens. They seem to be doing better as the day goes.
The good side of all this? As of last month, I have health insurance for the first time in years. (The kids have always had it.)
So even though I am SO STINKING TIRED of being sick and being in bed...
I really cannot complain. Because 2 doctor visits, an urgent care visit and 11 prescriptions later (seriously. ELEVEN.) - it was good timing.
[And I've been encouraged by many of my kindergarten co-workers. Apparently everyone gets sick a LOT their first year working full-time in kindergarten. I figure 3 weeks - I've done my time all at once. So I'm good for the rest of the year. Ok?]
The day I wrote that last post I had gone to the doctor because I just knew I had strep. Well, he did a rapid strep test and it came back negative. He thought it was the swine flu. He told me to rest over the weekend and come back if I got worse. [Looking back, I really should have fought him on it then. But I was so sick and had been there so long I just wanted to go home to my bed! And I had a fever - my brain wasn't exactly in tip-top shape.]
So I rested all weekend (missed the primary program - sad...). I wasn't feeling great. But I wasn't worse. I hadn't had a fever for a couple days. So I went back to work. I could make it through the day, then I would come home and go to bed after school. Ryan did a lot of taking care of meals, kids, homework, etc. When the weekend came I got much worse. On Sunday I went to an urgent care place. (So this was 10 days after my first dr appt and 13 days since I had gotten sick.) And... turns out it was STREP! I knew it... I can't even imagine how many people/kids I exposed in those 2 weeks...
So they gave me a shot and a few other prescriptions and I went home to rest. After I had been on the antibiotic for a day, I went back to work. I wasn't all the way better, but I was ok. I went to bed early every night (but not as soon as I got home from school).
Friday was a school holiday. It's one of the 2 student holidays I actually have to work. So the kids went to a friend's house for the day and I went to work. I woke up feeling pretty awful that morning, but as the morning went I got much worse. I had an awful (barky) cough, I was SO achey and weak... I got a fever and started having a little trouble breathing. So I got another appointment at the doctor and left early. The doctor gave me some pretty heavy drugs to try and kick this and ordered me to stay in bed for the long weekend. So I did. I've been heavily drugged and in bed.
During the weekend, the kids had spent a lot of time just lying around watching movies. Which I was not complaining about (did I mention Ryan is sick, too?). But it was unusual. When they woke up Monday morning I knew they had it. I got them appointments that morning just to have my suspicions confirmed. They both have strep.
So... we all missed school today. We are hoping to be back tomorrow. We'll see if that actually happens. They seem to be doing better as the day goes.
The good side of all this? As of last month, I have health insurance for the first time in years. (The kids have always had it.)
So even though I am SO STINKING TIRED of being sick and being in bed...
I really cannot complain. Because 2 doctor visits, an urgent care visit and 11 prescriptions later (seriously. ELEVEN.) - it was good timing.
[And I've been encouraged by many of my kindergarten co-workers. Apparently everyone gets sick a LOT their first year working full-time in kindergarten. I figure 3 weeks - I've done my time all at once. So I'm good for the rest of the year. Ok?]
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I wish I was joking.
Well... my chanting didn't help. I have felt worse every day this week. Last night I got a fever. I went to the doctor this morning and he thinks I have swine flu.
No. I'm not kidding.
He said he has seen a LOT of cases in the past two weeks, but they're mild cases. So hopefully after a couple days in bed I'll be back to life.
I'm not really that surprised I caught something. Kindergarten is kind of a petri dish for every illness you can imagine. And they're SO touchy-feely. It was probably just a matter of time.
Now I'm just praying my kids don't get it.
I'm going back to sleep now.
No. I'm not kidding.
He said he has seen a LOT of cases in the past two weeks, but they're mild cases. So hopefully after a couple days in bed I'll be back to life.
I'm not really that surprised I caught something. Kindergarten is kind of a petri dish for every illness you can imagine. And they're SO touchy-feely. It was probably just a matter of time.
Now I'm just praying my kids don't get it.
I'm going back to sleep now.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
love, reassignment... and a fire?
School:
The kids are both doing well in school. Abby has a lot more homework this year, but she is handling it pretty well. For the most part. Ethan is loving school. And I think he is IN LOVE with his teacher. Last week I found a note that he had written that said, "Dear Jenna, I love you. Love, Ethan" [Jenna is his teacher's first name - he read it on something.]
Work:
Well, work has been... a challenge. Not exactly what I signed up for. For 3 weeks I have been "temporarily" reassigned to shadow a little boy. He is a kindergartener who has many, many struggles. It has been difficult. But it is also rewarding. He is making progress. I'm not sure how long I will be doing this. But I have become very connected to him and care deeply about him. We'll see what happens...
Health:
We have stayed relatively healthy considering the many sicknesses that are going through the school, church and community. We are praying for continued health. [Although as I type this my throat is burning and I'm feeling weak and achy. But I'm sure it's nothing. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. Got it?]
Other:
Summer is over! Yippee!! Today when we walked out of the school Ethan said, "It's so cold! Can we have a fire tonight?" [It was 67 degress. Which is about 30 degrees less than what it was a week ago.]
The kids are both doing well in school. Abby has a lot more homework this year, but she is handling it pretty well. For the most part. Ethan is loving school. And I think he is IN LOVE with his teacher. Last week I found a note that he had written that said, "Dear Jenna, I love you. Love, Ethan" [Jenna is his teacher's first name - he read it on something.]
Work:
Well, work has been... a challenge. Not exactly what I signed up for. For 3 weeks I have been "temporarily" reassigned to shadow a little boy. He is a kindergartener who has many, many struggles. It has been difficult. But it is also rewarding. He is making progress. I'm not sure how long I will be doing this. But I have become very connected to him and care deeply about him. We'll see what happens...
Health:
We have stayed relatively healthy considering the many sicknesses that are going through the school, church and community. We are praying for continued health. [Although as I type this my throat is burning and I'm feeling weak and achy. But I'm sure it's nothing. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. Got it?]
Other:
Summer is over! Yippee!! Today when we walked out of the school Ethan said, "It's so cold! Can we have a fire tonight?" [It was 67 degress. Which is about 30 degrees less than what it was a week ago.]
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